30 Things You Should Do To Prepare For The Imminent Economic Collapse & Stock Market CRASH!
12 things that will survive Armageddon
Disaster proofDoom-mongers say the world will end on 21 December. Here are 12 thingsMHpredicts well find in the rubble.
1: Conspiracy TheoriesThe impending rapture has thrown up so many that there are bound to be a few survivors swirling around in the dust. Either that or they will all coagulate into one giant Told you so.
2: Test match specialOur inclement climate has left its presenters as experts in talking about nothing at all. Who better to describe the stillness in the moments after the apocalypse?
3: James Cameron's taste for a spectacleHes probably arranged the whole thing, with a ring of cameras around the Earth to capture the moment.
4: Piers Morgan"s careerA disaster-proof halo of smarm, the resilience of which will leave it somewhere swirling around the nebula, wringing crocodile tears from dark matter.
5: The rubber duckHes survived shipwrecks and war, and waved off several generations of games consoles all with a smile on his face. In terms of longevity, the cockroach is duckies bitch.
6: NASA's Voyager 1 spacecraftEleven billion miles from home, the space probe is sailing boldly into the abyss with a time capsule full of 70s tat. Its rumoured to be a ruse to persuade any lairy aliens that invading us would be as worthwhile as gatecrashingAbigails Party.
7: The Greek bailoutAngela Merkels haunted look as shes dragged into another summit is due to the realisation that even the end of the human race wont solve Greeces cash flow problems. Plus theyve probably borrowed money off aliens at some juncture.
8: The hair of Peter StringfellowDefying changes of fashion, gravity and all established precepts of good taste, it seems destined to be the standard-bearer for some next-phase shit.
9: Madonna's raunchNothing seems to stop La Ciccone from fetching up in ever more far-flung stadia done up like Miss Havisham channelling Rihanna. Somewhere on an icy moon of Saturn, a leathery boob will be flashed as twilights glow fades forever.
10: Professor Brian Cox's wonderment
To be fair, the end of the world is an event that would fully justify the good profs default setting of 15-year- old whos just done shrooms in the Arndale Centre. And thanks to him wed actually understand exactly what was happening which might not be a great thing.
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